Sunday, June 10, 2012

I want to stay positive on this blog, but last week was very challenging.  I had great difficulty getting through the week.  But I made it.  I got through.  I problem solved and I met a couple people.  I want to enjoy my internship and when people ask me how it is going it is so hard to not burst out in tears and tell them just how much I am struggling to make it work.  There is nothing wrong with the way that people have treated me.  They have not been mean or anything like that,  There's just a couple things.  It's so quiet.  Yes, quiet.  No one talks.  No one shuffles papers.  Even the phones ring really quietly.  We sit in our cubicles and look at our computers and do not talk to one another.  If someone needs to talk to someone about something they step into one of the inner offices and shut the door so it does not bother anyone.  The silence is so bad that all I hear are the florescent lights buzzing.  I need noise.  I have to have things going on.  I need to have conversations going on and a din of life.  I finally had to bring headphones so I could listen to music because I needed something.  The silence was making my symptoms rear their ugly head, and I had to put a stop to that immediately.  The music seemed to help.

The other thing, how do all of you with nine to five jobs sit all day for eight hours?  I can't do it.  My other disability was raging by the end of the day all week.  I hurt so bad by the end of the day, and that was with me getting up a few times because I was not going to make it through sitting there all day long.  I haven't figured out a solution to this problem yet.  I will be brainstorming.  We're supposed to work full time and in this setting, I think it is going to be very difficult for me to do the whole summer.  Maybe it will get better as time goes by and I'll get used to it.  Who knows.  Time for meds.

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